Ann Coulter: It’s Okay to Boo a Soldier

No doubt, many of you have already heard about the audience, who booed a gay soldier, at the GOP debate. The soldier in question, Stephen Hill, serves in Iraq and asked the panel if, elected president, they “plan[ned] to circumvent the progress that has been made for gay and lesbian soldiers in the military?” At this point, the booing commenced.

I’ve been angry about this for days, so I couldn’t write about it right away. I needed time to cool down and process.

Then, I read today on Towleroad (another blog site) about Ann Coulter (one of my least favorite people in the world). She is actually praising the booing of the soldier. Click here if you can stomach reading her column.

According to La Coulter: “It is beyond absurd to demand that Republican candidates pledge not to consider altering a recent rule change overturning a military policy that had been in effect from the beginning of warfare until the last few weeks of the 111th Congress. Of course there was booing for that!”

In her column, she “claims” the booing was not in response to the soldier being gay but about him not wanting a republican presidential administration to overturn the repeal of DADT. I believe that as much as I believe that one day Ann Coulter will ride in a parade car with RuPaul as Grand Marshall of the NYC gay pride parade in 2012.

Sorry, Ann, but some of us “liberal cry babies” don’t buy the bull your shoveling. Heap that pile of manure over on FOX News, thanks.

However, as a logical person I will concede the possibility that the disrespectful drove of conservatives might have also been booing the question as much as the soldier. And in this country (the one that soldiers gay and straight fight for), Freedom of Speech is one of our most cherished rights–even in the form of scorn at a persecuted minority.

But these people, the ones who booed Hill, these would be the same people to spout if YOU DON’T SUPPORT THE TROOPS, YOU DON’T SUPPORT AMERICA!

Who’s not supporting the troops or America now? That would be you, you bunch of booing boobs, with Ann Coulter, the biggest boob of them all, riding the train of discord all the way to the bank.

It’s preposterous to think gay soldiers are ineffective (or lead to the uprising of a Fourth Reich, according to Ann’s comment in her column) for the sole reason that they sleep with someone of the same gender! Sex, whether gay or straight, doesn’t lead to decreased morale or destroyed unit cohesion. Sex, for most people I know, only increases morale and unity. But only if you do it right. If you believe otherwise (and have to boo about it), maybe it’s sexual frustration more than anything else. Actually, that would explain a lot about Ann Coulter’s bad mood all these years!

But I digress. Sex has been occurring in the military since “the beginning of warfare” to quote Coulter. Whether you want to believe it or not, gays have been in the military since the beginning. They are just tired of having to hide who they are. So when Coulter says “that not talking about your sex life with your co-workers is not lying about who you are. In fact, many Americans manage quite easily to go days and days without talking about their sex lives with co-workers,” she is once again not seeing the forest for the trees. Admitting your a homosexual is not talking about your sex life. Is your colleague at work talking about his/her sex life when that person announces that he/she is getting married? Of course not! Talking about sex at work, whether it’s on a military base or at a small business, is inappropriate, whether or not you’re gay or straight. Admitting who you love isn’t about sex or about being inappropriate; it’s about being proud of who you love and who you are! It’s what makes us human.

Apparently, that’s not a lesson Ann Coulter or her booing friends have learned.

And, finally, in regards to Ann’s last comment that the “hysterical sobbing” of liberals on the subject of the audience booing the gay soldier “blocks reason,” I shall only say this. We aren’t sobbing; we are simply angry, and you’re just upset because you can’t keep us in the closet anymore.

Now dry you’re eyes and stopping crying about that!

Top 5 Lessons Learned from Olivia Newton-John’s Films/Music

Yesterday, one of the most important women of my childhood celebrated a birthday–Olivia Newton-John. (This would have been posted yesterday, but my hosting server crashed. My apologies, Olivia!)

I imagine there are many gay men who also fell in love with ONJ in their youths. Not only was she beautiful but she was amazingly talented, and her songs bewitched me the first moment I heard her open her mouth. I still remember when I first saw her in Grease on the big screen. With my mother sitting next to me munching on popcorn and nachos, I was transfixed upon seeing her playing on the beach as Sandy with John Travolta’s Danny. The song “Love is a Many Splendored Thing” played in the background of our first glimpse at their burgeoning love.

I was hooked. I had to shush my mother for interrupting the dialogue, when she asked if I wanted some popcorn.

For a young boy struggling with his sexual identity, she was my first official fag hag, before I even knew what that was or meant. Her fresh, innocent face and gorgeous blue eyes had me hopelessly devoted to her. After Grease, I watched every movie she starred in (okay, there were only three others, but I anxiously awaited each one), I collected every single vinyl record she ever put out, and I danced and sang to her tunes in the privacy of my own room. She was my BFF, and she knew exactly what I was feeling. When she sang, she did so just for me–to help me get through those tough times in life.

So, for her 63rd birthday, I decided to write some lessons I learned from the Australian-born singer/actor’s career in film and music.

Lesson #1 from Grease’s Sandy: Bad boys LOVE the innocent type, but they like them even more if they occasionally take a ride on the wild side.

  • Being a good boy at heart (Those of you who know me well can stop laughing! I am a good boy!), I knew I needed to adapt my image if I wanted the boys I liked to actually take any interest in me. While I didn’t immediately adopt those lessons at the time of my youth, when I grew up I knew exactly what I had to do. Men enjoy trash for sowing their wild oats AKA Rizzo and Cha Cha DiGregorio, but when it’s time to settle down, they want the tart wrapped up in a helping of sweet. So, during my single days (and a bit still today), I was the good boy capable of hopeless devotion but who was also known to don leather pants, smoke, and make the boy strip off his sweater for a mere chance of singing “We Go Together” with me. And, eventually, I found my own husband, a mixture of the good and the bad himself, and who must’ve watched Grease a lot too!

Lesson #2 from Xanadu’s Kira: When you play hard to get and act aloof, the boy wants you that much more!

  • As the mythological muse in this not-well-received movie, ONJ’s character remained just out of reach of her intended Sonny Malone played by Michael Beck. That drove him crazy! He pursued her relentlessly, even challenging her father Zeus, for merely a chance of spending one more moment with her. Lesson quickly learned. I realized men, no matter how much I loved them, had very short attention spans. You give them everything they want, and they lose interest quickly. But when there’s a challenge, something for them to overcome, they will run whatever obstacle course you place before them for the mere chance to get to you. And let’s face it, we’re all worth a challenge. Some boys failed the challenges. They were promptly eliminated and sent packing. But, eventually, you meet the boy who overcomes all the obstacles until he finally reaches you. When that happens, even if your father is Zeus, you know you’re good for eternity just like I am.

Lesson #3 from Two of a Kind’s Debbie: When you sacrifice all for love, incredible things can happen.

  • Even though this ONJ movie took some serious hits from critics, her character still taught me a lot. ONJ played a good girl turned bank robber, and she clashed with fellow bank robber Zack AKA her Grease co-star John Travolta. They spent the movie trying to outdo each other and falling in love, and it was their love that eventually saved the world. (Apparently, the devil and God struck up a bargain. If God didn’t find true love on the planet, then the devil would be granted dominion over the Earth.Yeah, I know, it sounds awful, but lessons can be learned from awful too!) Thanks to her character’s selflessness, I learned that for the sake of true love you sometimes have to put everything, your reputation and even your life, on the line. After all, it’s not true love if you’re not willing to do that!

Lesson #4 from ONJ’s “Physical” video: You can’t win them all!

  • I’m sure many of you have seen the steamy video I’m mentioning. In it, ONJ is training some rotund fellows at the gym, all the while singing about more than just physical education. However, once her work is complete and the boys are sculpted masses of superb man flesh, the boys fall for each other and not her. While it was a hard lesson to learn in life, it was one that everyone needs to accept. No matter how attractive we might make ourselves and no matter what we might do to catch the attention of that guy, sometimes, he might just not be into you. That is no reason to fret, though. Men are like tissues. When one leaves, another pops up as ONJ found out at the end of her video. That lesson helped me through many a heartbreak, so if heartbreak happens to you again, be confident that just beyond the gym room door (or bar door, or club door, or whatever other doors you open), the right man is waiting on the other side. We all find him. Eventually.

Lesson #5 from It’s My Party’s Lina: A good friend is always there–no matter what!

  • In this movie, ONJ played the best friend to Eric Robert’s Nick. Nick was dying of AIDS and rather than continue to live in pain, he wanted to end his life on his own terms. ONJ’s Lina didn’t want him to do it. She begged him not to do it, but he went through it anyway. She didn’t like it, and she was deeply sad to watch him do it, but she stayed by his side–a true blue friend indeed. This was a lesson that I try to hold true. I have friends, some of whom have changed drastically, and though the distance between us may now be great, I will be here when those friends need me again. True friendship is not a ship that should be missed. Once you board it, you’re on it for life!

Looking at these lessons I’ve learned, it’s easy to see that I am indeed a fan of Olivia Newton-John, and I always will be. She was there for a fat, insecure kid who grew into a man I think she would be proud of.

So for her 63rd birthday, I want to thank you personally, Olivia (we are on a first name basis now), for the lessons on love, life, and friendship you taught me throughout your career. They have shaped me into the person I am, and I love you for it. I will always be Hopelessly Devoted to You!

Top 5 Reasons People Choose to be Gay by

I ran across this video from an activist organization aptly named FCKH8. (Visit their website by clicking here.)

The video’s message is strongly worded and if you are easily offended by vulgarity, then you shouldn’t watch it, and, well, if you are, you probably won’t be reading this post anyway, so my warning is probably moot.

What I find promising about this video is what it tells me about our future. The video stars many younger people (and by that I mean younger than someone of my almost forty years). These youth are angry, and they are taking a stand against the people who continue to spread hate and intolerance in our country. By taking this campaign under their wings, they have assembled merchandise to be sold in support of FCKingH8 and raised awareness about how hateful many conservative politicians and religious sects are being, in other words the individuals and organizations that have grown stagnant and resistant to change.

And their audience isn’t me or you or those in charge. They are speaking to the youth of the nation, the twenty something and younger crowd. They are speaking to the future leaders, and they use language and images that appeal to the younger generation’s mindset.

Their voices are crude, and their demeanor is flippant, but their message is clear. For them, the time for hate is long over, and since they will be taking over the country and the world when the ultra conservatives retire and/or die off, they are letting the nation know that when it’s there turn to be in power, our nation will be what our forefathers wanted it to be–a place where the downtrodden and the outcast are welcome and embraced with arms wide open.

If you like this video on Facebook and tweet it on Twitter, their campaign will donate up to $10,000 for organizations that help GLBT youth, a worthwhile endeavor indeed. So view the video, like it, tweet it, and share it.

Before you click, be advised one more time: many F-bombs ahead!

When Children Become Super Villains!

I love my daughter. More than anything or anyone else in this entire world. There are days when my love for my daughter fills me so completely that I sometimes feel like I could actually fly. When we car dance to a song playing on the radio on the way to school and I hear her laugh at me, bullets could bounce off my chest. When she tells me she loves me or reaches out to hold my hand (in front of her friends or anyone else), my heart swells to twice its size, and I feel more powerful than a locomotive.

In short, my daughter’s love transforms me into Superman. She takes the ordinary, every day “Clark Kent” type of man I am, and she makes me into something better than I was (or could have ever been) before she first entered my life. She is the yellow sun in my universe that grants me the special powers I need to be her father–to love her and protect her with my very life.

Unfortunately, that same sweet girl who grants me the powers is also the one who turns into my arch nemesis!

Now, many of you out there are wondering WTH? But let me see if I can explain.

If you’re a parent (and I know you’re out there because I can hear you sighing in frustration), there are times when these precious little people in our lives, who are typically our brightest joys, can transform into creatures any good superhero must battle.


Me am not you!

One popular villain they can become, for instance, is Bizarro. You see, Bizarro was the villain who came from a world that was the complete opposite of Superman. Sometimes that is exactly what our children become–our polar opposites. Where we are industrious, logical, and rational beings, they have the tendency to attack us with moments of absolute sloth, idiocy, and irrationality that threatens the very fabric of our universe.

We fly into the fray, hoping to alleviate the situation with words of encouragement, motivation, and logic that would typically solve any problem in the rational Superman world. But in the Bizarro world of our children, words of encouragement become criticism, motivation transforms into nitpicking, and logic is, well, meaningless. They bat us aside with a roll of the eyes, and once those eyes roll, the gloves are off. And it’s time for yet another Superman vs. Bizarro battle!


DaaaAAAd! I'm like totally smarter than you!

As difficult as Bizarro is to deal with, he pales in comparison to when our children become Braniac. For Superman, Brainiac is an extraterrestrial cyborg of artificial intelligence capable of using his superior knowledge to lay waste not only to the beloved man in red and blue but also to the planet. How many of you have had a child who believed she/he suddenly developed an intelligence to rival your own? They have all the right answers. They know exactly what the world expects from them, and we know nothing. No, that’s too much. We are simply drooling idiots stealing precious air away from our shrewd children. When Brainiac rears her ugly head, spouting off exactly how smart she is, it’s time for Superman to use his super breath to freeze her up and shut her down.


I want ALL your energy, DAD! ALL!

When our children become the villain known as The Parasite, it is one of the most draining (pun intended) battles of the season. The super villain Parasite steals the energy and powers of Superman. Our children often do the same to us. We come home already exhausted from a long day of work that we barely have enough energy to uncork the first bottle of wine when our children descend upon us. They have school supplies that must be picked up, they have an assignment they need help with, there’s a surprise dance rehearsal they are now late for, or they forgot something at school that they need right now.

And like the good superheroes we are, we give them what little reserves we have, we fulfill the requests that parents must fulfill, but when we ask them to take out the garbage, or wash dishes, or pick up their own clothes, they are too busy or too tired. They have sapped all our strength, left us with nothing, and then have the audacity to say they are tired and too busy, while they are dancing in their rooms listening to music on the iPods we purchased for them. At those times, The Parasite finds himself caught in a swirling tornado as Superman suddenly finds the energy needed to run circles around the energy stealer and take back everything they took from us. At least until they can appreciate it later.

Now, I’m hoping that many of you parents out there know exactly what I’m talking about. There must be Wonder Women out there using their lassoes of truth to cut through the lies their children spout. I’m sure there are even Batmen, who try to stay one step ahead of their very clever children who attempt to outwit them at every turn.

I write this for you, for all parents who wage into battle every day. You are not alone! I feel your pain, and I too fight the good fight. While I love my child, and I know you other parental superheroes out there love yours, we have to don our costumes and do battle. It’s for their sakes as much as ours.

NY Archbishop’s Veiled Threat: Gay Marriage Equals Church-State Conflict

New York Catholic Archbishop Timothy Dolan, in a letter sent to the Obama Administration on Friday, threatens that if Obama continues to withhold support for DOMA or a federal ban on gay marriage that it could “precipitate a national conflict between church and state of enormous proportions.”

The Archbishop’s veiled threat intrigues me.

Swiss Guard Assembled

The Swiss Guard, wielding their pikes, are ready for war

Is there some underground movement in the works, stockpiling ammunition and awaiting word from the Archbishop or his General, Pope Benedict? At this moment, are priests and nuns engaged in pike-wielding combat training, supervised by the brightly colored Swiss Guard? Are altar boys and girls being used to courier messages from the pulpit to the budding revolutionaries sitting in the pews every Sunday morning? Are Roman Catholics, and those who have thrown support behind their crusade, merely waiting for the opportune moment to usher in a new holy war?

Archbishop Dolan’s strongly worded letter to Obama definitely indicates that plans are being set in motion to deal with Obama and his future Administration decisions. Most likely, the Catholic Church will simply throw its considerable weight and perhaps even resources behind a Republican presidential nominee who is more amenable to conservative Catholic views.

But what if that’s not the case? What if the Archbishop spilled beans not yet meant to be spilt? What if his slip of the tongue revealed a hidden Catholic agenda? What if right now the nation stands at a precipice of war?

It’s not like the Catholic Church hasn’t declared war before or done some pretty vile things to guarantee the spread of the one true religion. Remember the Crusades? The Spanish Inquisition? (“what a thrill!”)

Whose to say Pope Benedict isn’t sitting on his golden throne, kicking back in his Prada shoes, and plotting the demise of American liberalism? Popes (and those who serve them) have done worse things throughout history, such as commit murder, desecrate the graves of former popes, and engage in acts of simony, licentiousness, and violence.

Nuns with Guns

Nuns with guns and ready to kick @$$

Still, the image of nuns advancing down streets in their wimples and habits carrying weapons or squads of gun-toting priests and bishops battling the scourge of the “gay agenda” is far too comical to believe. It’s just as ridiculous to imagine as the prospect of gay marriage, which is all about allowing two consenting adults to live in love together, as being the single event that sparked a “conflict between church and state of enormous proportions,” according to Dolan.

Religious people who claim marriage is a religious sacrament only fail to understand that marriage is also a civil right.

Our nation, any nation, has the right, through laws passed by the consent of the majority, to define what the word is, just as they have defined criminal activity, discrimination, and slavery. No one is asking the Catholic Church or any church to change what they believe marriage or anything else to be. Their rituals are theirs alone! We are simply asking that their religious definitions not be applied to those who don’t support them. There is a separation of Church and State for a reason. (Just dig through the history books and look at our humble beginnings if you need to remember why.)

I would like to ask Archbishop Dolan to be just as respectful of what I believe as he wants me, and others, to be respectful of his. Threats, veiled or otherwise, seem counterproductive and a bit childish.

Instead of clinging to anger and hate, I prefer to embrace what Jesus asked me to embrace–faith, hope, and love. I have faith that God’s message will one day be made clear to all of us by God himself. I have hope that a better future will be fashioned by our children, who prove to be far more tolerant and accepting than the generations that preceded them, and I’m confident that in the end, love will be all that matters.






What to Wear? What to Wear?

As some of you may or may not know, Fashion Week in New York City has ended. Right now, fashionistas all over the nation are scrambling to add the unique couture they watched sashay down the runway into their already overcrowded closets.

While I am certainly not a fashionista (by any stretch of the imagination), I thought it would be fun to see what new and innovative fashion I might see in the spring and perchance try to mimic within my own humble budget.

Jeremy Scott’s Spring Collection provided me with my first interesting idea. (Click here to see his complete spring line, courtesy of

Jeremy Scott Spring 2012

Got milk and ass less chaps?

This was the first to really catch my eye. I always wondered what it might be like to party in a pasture with a herd of Holstein cattle (they’re black and white, by the way.) Thanks to Jeremy Scott, I need to wonder no longer. Since Holstein cattle are typically found in Europe (the Netherlands to be specific), I can cancel my trek abroad to live this experience. I simply need to find some relatively inexpensive chaps and a kicking vest. Since I live in Texas, not too big of a problem for me. After that, it’s a simple process to dye them black and white and break out my black leather jockstrap, and I’m all set.

Once that’s done, I need to find an appropriate venue to wear my new bovine inspired ensemble. I’m thinking of wearing it the next time the family and I head to Chic-Fil-A. The chicken sandwich chain is known for their popular advertisements with comical cattle begging hungry patrons to eat chicken. I should blend right in.

Givenchy by Riccardo Tisci

Too hot for pants? Try a kilt!

The next look to catch my eye was from the Givenchy by Riccardo Tisci collection. To me, this looks like a good alternative for those hot Texas days when you have to dress up but you just don’t want to wear pants. In the summer, I often bemoan having to go to work or to a formal occasion and wear long pants. In Texas, sometimes it’s just too darn hot!

Well, this design allows me the option to not only dress up but stay cool. Thankfully the garment comes in white. As a bonus, the cool Triffid looking design spreads in vibrant colors across the fabric, which creates such an eye-catching design that most people won’t realize your legs are bare!

The skirt separate, I mean, the manly kilt companion piece completes the unique look that inspires both a matching baseball cap (to keep the sun out of your eyes) and might even inspire some creative footwear choices, such as something in a Manolo Blahnik, perhaps.

This outwit would be perfect for a beach side wedding or any event where dress up is encouraged during those steamy months. (For more outfits for the spring by Givenchy click here.)

All I would really need to replicate this is a long sleeve white shirt and a skirt, tie-dye it, and I’m good to go.

MEN Thierry Mugler Spring 2012

But I AM wearing a shirt

Now, if you’re like me, sometimes you just don’t know what to wear to a club. So many club scenes these days almost require the absence of a shirt once you hit the dance floor. I’m always a little too self conscious for that but feel pressured (sometimes by someone trying to take my shirt off) to join the crowd.

This next outfit brought to us from the Thierry Mugler Spring 2012 collection (click here to see more pictures) solves my dilemma (and perhaps yours) perfectly. Now I can both wear a shirt while at the same time not wear a shirt. With this outfit, I will fit in with the non-shirt wearing party boys but still feel appropriately covered and maintain my modesty, which is a must!

Also, I hate when looks at the club are over done and over thought. This one is neither. No thinking is really required. Just slip into the non-shirt, put on the leather shorts (that rest under the leather jockstrap for the Jeremy Scott ensemble), slip your feet into a pair of shiny black shoes from your closet and PRESTO instant fabulousness!

Obviously, this would also be easy to recreate. Find a long sleeve shirt that fits you snugly in the arms and shoulder area and just cut the rest of it out. Since most of us have a pair of leather shorts and black shoes anyway, this would be a rather inexpensive and easy duplication.

With just those three designers, I already have new ideas for casual wear, formal wear, and club wear. Recreating them should be a breeze with only scissors, some fashion dyes, and the black leather sundries already in our closets.

I simply can’t wait for spring now!

Allergic to Marital Aids?

I’m sure many of you are wondering about the topic of this blog post today? Is he referring to being allergic to couple’s counseling or something else? It couldn’t possibly be what I think it is. Could it?

Well, it is!

Recently, thanks to a light-hearted and quite comical conversation with a dear sweet friend who shall forever remain anonymous (so don’t ask!), I stumbled upon a topic that I just had to write about. With his consent (and with a thousand promises guaranteeing the safety of his identity), I decided to do just that.

What do you do when you realize, at probably one of the most inopportune moments imaginable, that you have suddenly developed an allergy to latex?

If you’re like my friend, at first you wonder just what hell is going on and then, well, you panic!

You see, my friend had no idea he had such an allergy. He’s gone pretty much his entire life using latex products (quite extensively) without such a reaction as what happened recently. For academic purposes only (and for a bit o’ humor), I will provide you with some of the details (in very G-rated form), so you will know the signs in case it happens to you.

He was in the middle of a “situation” where the use of latex was sanctioned and agreed upon. At first, the use of the object involving latex progressed swimmingly as it had before. Then, not so usual events started to occur. His nose became twitchy and he started to sneeze, almost uncontrollably. A few minutes later, after trying to work past the breathing issues, some discomfort and itching started to occur in some rather private places. Like a trooper, he tried to forage ahead, determined not to let a runny nose or some slight irritation interrupt the progress made so far.

After awhile, though, the irritation turned to a burning sensation, and the runny nose became serious tracheal problems with his throat closing shut.

Now, imagine, as I did, finding yourself in this predicament. You’re in a rather intimate posture. You can’t breath because you’re throat is swelling shut, and your secret garden has suddenly been set upon by an out-of-control wildfire. (I was in stitches by this point, too!)

Eventually, the pain became too much for my chum to bear, so he politely excused himself from the situation and sprinted to the restroom. After a quick inspection, he realized the area in question was splotchy red and swollen, and he fought the need to scoot around the room like a dog trying to dislodge something from his bum. At first, he thought he caught some particularly virulent STD that infected upon contact, but then realized quite astutely that the culprit was the latex. Prior to the admission of the latex into the party, the shindig had been a blast. After the latex, BAM, party over! Not many people I know wish to continue such festivities with red, splotchy skin, painful irritation, and uncontrollably sneezing.

His latex allergy brought the entire soiree to a screeching halt!

So, that begs the question: if this happens to me, what do I do?

  1. Well, first you need to fix your breathing. Take an antihistamine. If you’re home, this should be easy to find. If you’re at a friend’s house, (as embarrassing as it might be) ask for one. It will be more embarrassing to pass out from constricted air ways than to admit you need an allergy pill. If no antihistamines are to be found, skip to step 2. (You will hit step 2 anyway).
  2. Jump in the shower. Scrub to make sure all parts of your skin that may have come into contact with the latex are washed clean. Make sure you do a thorough job too.
  3. Put out the fire. Find a steroid cream (such as Cortaid or any other Corticosteroid) and apply generously to the area. Never use the creams internally; they are for external use only. Once again, most houses (and friend’s houses) have this readily available in the medicine cabinet. If not, skip to step 4.
  4. Head to your local pharmacy retailer. Purchase a steroid cream and antihistamine and use them immediately (either in the bathroom of said pharmacy or in the privacy of your own home.)
  5. Laugh about the experience with your party partner (if he or she is still around) or vow never to see said individual again.
What should we learn from this?
  • Obviously, allergic reactions are serious offenses and can be dangerous. They could lead to a full body reaction called anaphylaxis, which might prove fatal and is most definitely not a laughing matter.
  • It’s also important to know that allergic reaction to latex (or other substances and/or foods) is possible even if you have never been allergic to it before. Many adults develop new allergies over their lifetimes, so it’s a good idea to get an allergy test every few years to see if you’re body has suddenly decided it no longer likes something it never had a problem with. (Similar to your current reaction to your ex!)
So I’m allergic to latex. What now?
  • Many marital aids exist that are not made from latex, such as those comprised of 100% silicone, hard plastic, acrylic, stainless steel, or glass. From the research I’ve done (on the web, not through actual sampling), those products work just as well (if not better according to some comments I’ve found). You can find a veritable cornucopia of said devices by clicking here. (Site called The Pleasure Chest, so definitely NSFW). Be wary of anything with the word “blend” in it as it may have latex as part of the composition or as part of the assembly or packing. If you decide to purchase such a product like a “silicone blend,” keep some steroid cream and an antihistamine handy just in case!
  • Additionally, various latex free condoms are also for sale by many popular and trustworthy brands. Those can also be found by clicking on the link above.
As you can see, if you find you have a latex allergy, the party is not necessarily over (as my friend learned). You just have to switch up the party favors and then invite a new or special friend to the get-together. Then, let the good times roll!


DADT Repealed 9/20/2011

Finally, after too many years of hiding and living in secret, Don’t Ask Don’t Tell is over. A letter distributed to troops today made the repeal official to soldiers on American soil and abroad. (click here to read the letter as reported in The Washington Post).

The letter, signed by Raymond T. Odiemo, General of the United States Army; Raymond F. Chandler III, Sergeant Major of the Army; and Jeff M. McHugh, Secretary of the Army, states that “The law is repealed” and “from this day forward, gay and lesbian Soldiers may serve in our Army with the dignity and respect they deserve.”

It’s about time! Dignity and respect have long been denied to our gay brothers and sisters in the military. They have proudly served their country, fulfilling integral, and sometimes dangerous, roles that have kept our country safe from those who would do us harm. And at the end of the day, when their bodies were tired, bruised, and/or battered, they were denied a basic comfort most everyone else, including me, takes for granted.

They couldn’t really go home. Not to the home that we think about, where our spouse waits to make the horrors of the day better with a kind word or a soothing touch. Their homes were a charade they created to keep their military careers safe, so they could return to the front lines and bleed for us again while we slept safely next to our significant other.

That will no longer be the case.

Now, they can truly go home after an awful day and receive the love and support we all take for granted because their homes will no longer be shrouded in secrecy or fear.

That will, no doubt, be one of the greatest gifts they ever received.

A Reference Guide to the Gay Bear Culture

Post Updated: 4/18/2015, Original Post, 9/18/2011

It’s been almost four years since I originally wrote this post, and as I was going through it, I decided it was time to update the reference guide to reflect the various comments and e-mails I received over the past few years.

Contrary to what some people believe, all gay men aren’t the same. We don’t all enjoy Broadway musicals, dress up in the latest fashions, or walk with too much honey on our hips. Not every single gay man turns his nose up in disgust at sporting events, outdoor activities, or manual labor. The gay male culture is actually a cornucopia of men with different tastes, interests, and body types. We are a microcosm of the American culture just like every other subculture in the world. Not every African American listens to rap nor do all Latinos speak Spanish and watch telanovelas (Spanish soap operas). To believe that every single person within any particular culture is representative of the culture as a whole is not only ridiculous but illogical.

Therefore in an effort to increase understanding of the various subcultures within the larger nomenclature that is the gay community, I have decided to write a series of posts aimed at explaining the different types of men who comprise the gay community at large.

Now, just to clarify, gay men sometimes uses terms and classifications to identify other groups within our own that often confuses our straight friends. I can’t count how many times I’ve been asked just what is a bear? Once I begin the explanation and delve into the various categories within the bear subculture, their eyes either glass over due to the sheer excess of information provided, or they (and by they, I mean my straight, male friends) will ask what kind of bear am I?

For some reason, my straight male friends feel the need to be classified by the terms we use to describe other gay men. And from what I hear from my gay brothers, their straight guy friends pose the same questions to them. Perhaps it’s their need to feel included (no man wants to be left out of any team even if they really play for the opposition!) or perhaps they just want to see exactly how desirable they are to other men. Let’s face it, our straight male friends might not want to slip between the sheets with another man, but they want to at least know what their options were if they did.

Therefore as a nod to all my straight male friends, the first group I shall tackle are the lovable, affable Bears.


A group of Bears

Definition of Bear: Men in the gay community who have hairy bodies and facial hair. Many are stocky and/or muscular (generally larger in mass than any other classification of gay men in the community). They often portray themselves as the epitome of masculinity through their rugged appearance and demeanor.

Characteristics of a Bear: Typically, Bears are friendly, polite, and easy-going, a far cry from their animal namesake. Their larger body types contain some of the kindest hearts. If a bear were to accidentally step on you at a bar, he would be the first one to apologize and feel awful for potentially hurting you. However, just like their namesakes, a bear is a dangerous gay when provoked and prodded with a stick (no pun intended). Their size alone would be enough to take down an entire gaggle of gays. But unlike real bears, these Bears travel in packs. When you take on one Bear, the entire cave is threatened.

What Does a Bear Do in the Woods?: While Bears have a wide range of interests, they are some natural proclivities of the subculture that seem pretty standard. Most Bears enjoy food and drink. Beer is the alcohol of choice. Rarely, do you see a Bear sipping a Cosmo or calling himself a Vegan. They indulge in the simpler pleasure of life such as camping, laying in the sun, or communing with other Bears.

Bear Wear: Bears can often be spotted in the wild wearing open flannel shirts exposing their guts and hirsute bodies, combat boots, and baseball caps. They are not slaves to fashion. This is not to say that Bears don’t play dress up. (They are gay after all!) But they are more at home wearing lose fit, extremely casual clothing.

Bear Subcategories: The term Bear doesn’t apply to every single hairy gay man. In fact, within the Bear subculture  you will find an entire slew of different classifications.

  • Berenstien Bear is a bear of Jewish descent
  • Black Bear is a bear of African-American descent.
  • Brown Bear is a bear of Latin descent.
  • Care Bear is a bear who “cares” about his appearance and cares about fashion
  • Chubby Bear is a bear who is heavy set and hairy.
  • Cub is a term used to describe a bear relatively younger in age. The term is also affectionally used to describe a bear’s husband/partner who fulfills the passive role in the sexual relationship.
  • Daddy Bear describes a mature bear, who is often looking for a Cub (or younger man) for a relationship.
  • Grizzly Bear means that the individual is extremely dominant and typically extremely tall, heavy, or hairy.
  • Honey Badger describes a bear, who is blond and is usually muscular and not heavy.
  • Koala Bear is a bear of Australian descent.
  • Otter describes a man who is hairy but not heavy. An otter’s build is leaner and muscular.
  • Otter Cub describes a younger man who is heavy but not hairy. His build is also leaner and muscular
  • Panda Bear denotes a bear of Asian descent.
  • Papa Bear describes a bear who has children and devotes most of the time he used to spend drinking and clubbing to his children.
  • Pocket Bear describes a bear of short stature.
  • Polar Bear is a bear with white or grey hair.
  • Seal Bear is a mostly hairless, heavier man. He’s a seal because his body is slick like a seal.
  • Shape Shifting Bear is a bear that moves, at various times of his life, through different subcategories. He can go from a Chub Bear to an Otter to a Wolf.
  • Silver Fox describes a distinguished gentleman with salt and pepper hair.
  • Silver Otter describes a man who is hairy (not heavy), but whose hair is overall white
  • Wolf is a term for a bear who is rugged and outdoorsy but typically also a biker. A wolf can also be sexually aggressive.
  • Yogi Bear describes a bear who likes camping and hiking but also enjoys laying around the cave playing video games.

Bear Admirers: Those who are attracted to bears or hang out with them also have their own set of descriptions.

  • Chaser describes a man who is sexually attracted to heavy set gay men.
  • Goldilocks is usually a woman who hangs out with a group of bears. This is the Bear culture’s term for their “fag hag.”

Goldilocks, the original Bear fag hag

As you can see, Bears and those that love them, come in a wide variety of shapes, sizes, and interests. If you want to learn more, find a Bear and befriend him. You’ll be glad you did.





Top 10 Tips for Gay Parents

Being a parent is difficult. There’s no manual to follow (like the guidebooks in foreign languages that accompany every set of directions to, say, assemble a bike), so most parents have to make it up as they go. Sure, they consult the sage advice of parents and grandparents. Some might even purchase books from Amazon or other online or traditional retailers in order to determine if how they are parenting is scarring their children.

But for gay parents the task of child rearing can sometimes be more difficult. When two parents of the same sex raise children together, guidance is something almost non-existent except in bigger urban areas with larger gay populations and therefore a greater chance of running across other gay parents at the park, or daddy and me classes, or even in the diaper aisle at the local grocery store.

As a gay man with a partner of 8 years, we have raised our three biological children together. And though there have been ups and downs, I wanted to compile this list for other gay parents out there in hope that my experience will help.

I have no academic credentials in regards to child development, and I do not claim to be an expert. These tips are solely from the experiences and observations of a gay parent.

1. Love the child for the miracle he or she is, but don’t overcompensate for your trials in becoming a parent.

Many gay couples often spend several agonizing months, if not years, searching for the perfect solution to have children. Whether you decide on surrogacy, in vitro fertilization, adoption, or actual sexual intercourse with a member of the opposite sex (for those of us who actually married members of the opposite sex first), the time and energy spent in finding a suitable donor/birth mother/partner can cause many gay parents to spoil the child rotten once the child actually enters the home. Children don’t need Gucci purses (no matter how fabulous she looks holding it) or Armani shirts (even though he may look strapping in it). They will out grow these items in a few months, and then want bigger and more expensive items like a Louis Vutton clutch or a pair of jeans that cost more than your car payment.

Buying everything your child wants is a trap many gay parents fall into since they spent so much time and frenetic energy trying to create or obtain their child.

Children are indeed a miracle and should receive abundant amounts of love and affection, but that doesn’t translate to getting everything they want whenever they want. Believe it or not, children respond well to boundaries. They may not like it, but saying “no” is sometimes in the best interest of their personal development into an adult and it often teaches them a lesson about life. For example, money doesn’t grow on trees, and if they want something, they just might have to earn it themselves.

2. Just because you’re out of the closet doesn’t mean your children are ready to fling open the door.

Coming out of the closet was a difficult process for most of us, and we have no desire to run back into hiding, where many of the conservative politicians hang out these days. However, our children are a different story. They are faced with their own set of problems and social structures at school, and being different in school can be cause for ridicule. While I’m not advocating parents rushing back into the closet, I am suggesting we don’t force our kids to be as open about their parents’ sexuality as we are. Did you want to talk about your parents’ sex lives when you were growing up? Gross!

If your child is not comfortable with telling the world that they have two mommies or daddies, don’t take it personally. Your child has to adjust to life and figure out for his/herself how to incorporate the differences of their home life with their classmates. They will figure it out, and they will be fine with it. Just let them do it at a pace that is comfortable for them.

3. Create a social network with other gay families.

This ties into the previous tip. Providing your children with playmates/friends who also have gay parents will allow them to see other families just like yours. What child wouldn’t want to meet another pair of mommies who built their own house or another pair of daddies who perfectly accessorize each outfit?

Feeling like part of a crowd is important for children just as it was important to you. When they don’t feel as if they stick out, it bolsters their self-confidence and allows them to simply be. When they are free to be themselves, they can grow into the strong, independent, self-assured adults we want them to be.

4. Cultivate a circle of friends who are not only gay but straight.

While it’s important for you to show other families like your own to your children, it’s also important for them to see you interact with other heterosexual adults, who are completely accepting of your gay family. This will demonstrate to your children that there are people out there who are not like your family but who still love you and them because let’s face it, the majority of the world isn’t as fabulous as a gay family.

This provides your children with an even broader framework for moving forward in their developing years, when they are able to integrate not only the fact that there are others in the world like them (children of gay parents) but other people in the world who see nothing strange or unusual about your family.

5. Let your children fight their own battles.

This is a tough one for any parent, gay or straight.

When our children face obstacles, bullies, or conflicts, we want to charge right into the fray, pick them up, fend off their attackers, and make everything okay. While doing so is perfectly acceptable if your child is attacked or in danger of serious harm, not every conflict needs your intervention. Children must learn how to settle differences for themselves. In many of our childhoods, before we even understood what being gay was, we were used to being on the wrong end of a conflict or being picked on for no reason. We certainly don’t want that for our children. We want better. But resolving their conflicts is practice for doing so as an adult. After all, you are the intensely fabulous person you are because of those conflicts. Don’t take that important skill away from them by always riding up on your horse to save the day.

6. Be affectionate with your partner in front of your child.

Some gay parents wonder if displays of affection might somehow influence their children to be gay and let’s face it, we get enough criticism from conservative radicals about “recruiting” as it is. But watching our parents hug or kiss didn’t turn us straight, so watching us be affectionate with each other won’t make them necessarily gay.

It’s important for children to see you and your partner in a loving and affectionate relationship. How you and your partner treat each other will imprint itself on their future relationships. They will search for the kind of love that the two of you have displayed at home, so not only show love but be the kind of partner to each other that you would like your child to one day find.

7. Embrace diverse populations as you expect to be embraced.

Open your children to the wondrous cornucopia of cultures that exist in the world and put a stop to the catty judgments we may have spouted in our youth. We don’t want the world to hate us, so it’s important we don’t pass on any prejudices we might have to our children. Instead, show them that there are others in the world who don’t live like they do or even like other Americans do. Open dialogues about families in Africa, Europe, Asia, South America, etc. Let your child see how truly unique every individual is. This will foster a deeper respect for differences between people, cultures, and lifestyles within your children and keep them open minded.

8. Be a “normal” family.

So often gay families feel pressured to be better than straight families around us. After all, we feel we have a lot to prove to those who want to prevent gay couples from marrying and/or adopting children. The weight of that pressure can be the cause for an empty wine bottle or two, but it doesn’t have to be. The best way to show up the dissenters who exist in the world is simply being normal, and all families have their quirks and their spats.

What do you mean you want to watch football? A Bette Davis marathon is on!

There will be times when you won’t like your partner and he/she won’t like you. There will be days when you want to strangle your children or when your children will want nothing to do with you.

That happens in every family.

However, those spats make your family stronger. When your daughter gets upset at you for dressing as Lady Gaga for the school Halloween carnival, you will learn to tone down the costume for next year and maybe do 80’s Madonna instead. Still, you work through the differences, you adjust your relationships, and you grow. Families don’t remain static; they are dynamic and change over time. So don’t aim for perfection; shoot for the middle ground. That’s where everyone else is who is happy.

9. Being fit was important when you were single; being fit is important for your children.

Most of us remember the insane diets we went on in order to remain “club thin.” We had to attract the guys or gals at whatever scene was hot in our particular neck of the woods. But now that we are partnered, happy, and not going out as much, remaining healthy is still important. Good eating habits and proper exercise instill the importance of healthy living that your children will carry through to adulthood. Sometimes fitness and good nutrition take a backseat to convenient fast food because parents’ lives are hectic, but eating out excessively and not modeling a proper outlook on physical education are a disservice to your children.

10. Those spa days you used to love or the evenings when you only hung out with friends are even more vital.

Taking care of yourself is important to being a good parent. Don’t sacrifice all of your needs for your children. You need to replenish your reserves, and sometimes that means a night or even a weekend off. Go pamper yourself at a spa. Head over to your friend’s house for drinks. Have a good time and let your hair down or put that old wig back on!

Not only does this give you a break from your children, it gives them a break from you. They need that too! When you are reunited, not only do you appreciate each other more but you’ll be ready to tackle the next set of crises that always seem to pop up. Just as you can’t pour anything out of an empty container, you also need to be refilled. You have to be replenished to be able to dole out the love, discipline, support, and guidance your family needs. We aren’t an endless bottle of wine, even though after some tough nights of parenting, we might need it!