From the Washington Post, March 5, 2050
The Fourth Branch of US Government, the Moral Authority, Turns 35 Next Month
Washington D.C., March 4 (AP)—Plans are being finalized in our nation’s capitol as the country prepares to celebrate the anniversary of the newest branch of American government, the Moral Authority. Thirty-five years ago next month, the 44th President of the United States, Sarah Palin, made history for more than being the first woman to occupy the Oval Office. Former President Palin, and the constitutional amendment she helped push through Congress, added a moral branch to the executive, legislative, and judicial branches that helped found our nation.
Though a very vocal minority publicly opposed the creation of a moral branch of US government, the Moral Authority has been heralded a success by a majority of American citizens today.
“The Moral Authority is the best thing that happened to this nation,” says Ruth Monroe, 86, who plans on attending the celebrations that begin on April 6. “Before the Moral Authority, you couldn’t even watch television without seeing something scandalous or inappropriate. I don’t have to worry about what my grandchildren are watching anymore.”
In fact, thanks to the Moral Authority, media violence and pornography have ceased to be issues of contention between concerned citizens and First Amendment advocates. The American Moral Code of Conduct has made such hotly debated issues moot.
“I respect what the Moral Authority has been able to accomplish in such a relatively short span of time,” says President John Ellis Bush, Jr. “Due to their pioneering efforts in moral law, some of the most terrible offenses in human society, such as murder, rape, and assault are virtually nonexistent.”
The Moral Authority’s success, however, extends beyond its effect on violent crime. With strict adherence to the moral code of care, the Moral Authority, through a series of lifestyle legislation, has freed the country from unhealthy lifestyle choices, such as obesity, smoking, alcoholism, and homosexuality. As a result, there has been a sharp decline in diabetes, high blood pressure, and cancer. Additionally, with the abolishment of homosexuality coupled with the AIDS cure discovered in the last decade, STD’s have been virtually eliminated as a social disease.
It is because of all these successes that the country is excited about the month long celebration. However, there are those in the nation who feel differently. The Human Rights Campaign, who have been dubbed as domestic terrorists by most media outlets and government officials, vehemently oppose the Moral Authority. Recently, the HRC has been linked to several smoke bombings of moral police departments as well as a rash of breakouts from moral prisons around the nation.
Supreme High Chancellor of the Moral Authority, Samuel Pleasant, plans to address the nation next month as part of the festivities but also in part to answer the recent concerns being raised about the HRC. Speculation abounds that as part of his speech S.H.C. Pleasant plans to unveil further legislation aimed specifically with dealing with the HRC. However, when asked, S.H.C. Pleasant had this to say: “Although I am not able to provide specifics at this moment, American citizens should rest assured that the Moral Authority has this situation well under control.”
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