My Family is Not Screwed Up Enough For TV

Just what the hell does the title of today’s blog post mean? Well, to explain, I need to go back in time a couple of weeks.

I was contacted on my author Facebook account by an individual. Let’s call him Barry.

Well, not quite who I meant, but sure, let's go with it.

Well, not quite who I meant, but sure, let’s go with it.

Apparently, he’d read one of my blogs on parenting and wanted to get in contact with me about potentially being a part of a new television series about gay parenting. I was like:





So, I didn’t give it much thought until I checked my e-mail. Guess what I found?

That's right! Another e-mail from Barry!

That’s right! Another e-mail from Barry!

I clicked on the link Barry provided, and it took me directly to a casting studio. And right there on the website was the general casting call for the show Barry was inquiring about.

It was real.

The diva in me instantly began contemplating the various wardrobes I’d have to purchase. If I was gonna be on television, I needed to be seen in brand new clothes.

That would be a good start

That would be a good start

I couldn’t wear what I’ve been wearing all summer.

You're speaking to the choir, Endora!

You’re speaking to the choir, Endora!

Then there was the new haircut. Just how would I style my hair for television? Did I need highlights or maybe just a color? I am forty now, and there’s a bit more grey on my head than I’m used to. I needed to call my hairstylist pronto!

Yes, Tabitha does my hair. What? You don't believe me?

Yes, Tabitha does my hair. What? You don’t believe me?

So as I had my people call Tabitha’s people, I mentally planned the inevitable shopping spree as well as the customary changing room montage we’ve all seen in some of our favorite movies.

Then I realized I’d forgotten about two important facts: I had yet to call the man back or broach the subject with my husband.

Yeah, that was an OOPS!

Yeah, that was an OOPS!

I called my husband and told him about the offer. After talking to him, I called Barry’s number he provided in the e-mail. During the conversation, he informed me that the show was about “extreme parenting” and that it was for Bravo.

All I heard was Bravo! The former home of Project Runway and Kathy Griffin: My Life on the D-List. The channel that featured the first and only gay-themed Bachelor-type reality show Boy Meets Boy. Where Queer Eye for the Straight Guy first aired, and home to the one-season only disaster I loved to watch Hey Paula.

Then I realized Barry was still talking, and that I hadn’t been listening. I’d been too busy accepting my Emmy for Best New Reality Show.

And the Emmy for Outstanding Lead in a Reality Show goes to...

And the Emmy for Outstanding Lead in a Reality Show goes to…


Um, where was I again? Oh, yeah, the phone call.

Well, Barry was going on about extreme parenting. What the hell did that mean? Was extreme parenting something like taking your kids skydiving to teach them about the importance of a parachute in life?

I needed some clarification.

Apparently, “extreme parenting” meant spoiling your children to excess. Or being a helicopter parent who never let your kids out of your sight. Or being extremely permissive and letting your teenager have sex and providing the condoms and the bedroom.


That’s just a


Well, after talking to Barry about how my husband and I parent, well, he wasn’t very interested in us. My Emmy dreams were dashed yet again!

Susan Lucci, I feel your pain!

Susan Lucci, I feel your pain!

But it didn’t last. In fact, I’d never felt better in my life.

Being rejected for television meant that my family wasn’t a train wreck. Sure, we have our issues. What family doesn’t? We fight, we laugh, we cry, but most importantly we love and support each other.

While that might not make good drama for television, it makes our lives great.

To me, that’s better than any award.

24 thoughts on “My Family is Not Screwed Up Enough For TV

  1. I loved this blog entry! Your creative talent with the pics not only connected the story flawlessly, but also had me chuckling out loud at several points as I read and scrolled through the entry. I recently became a new fan of your work after reading ‘3’, and I am looking forward to more of your novels. Thanks for sharing your talent, humor, insights on real life, and being a husband and father with us!

    • I’m glad you enjoyed the post, Glen. And thanks for reading “3”! I’m glad you enjoyed it. I just <3 those boys, as crazy as they are! Thanks for stopping by today. <3

  2. I’m not sure if you should be flattered that he thought of you or offended by his assumptions about your parenting style. I cringe to think what he will settle upon as his example of gay parenting. It’s too bad normal doesn’t make for good reality television. I really wish they would quit calling it reality TV as it never comes close to actual reality.

    • I didn’t even think of that, Mel. I wonder why he contacted me. Probably because I’m a gay parent. But I’m glad we were too normal. That makes me feel like we are doing our job right.

      • Well, I would say since you weren’t picked that probably means you have a blissfully boring life and are cursed with happy and well adjusted children. I couldn’t be happier for you and your family 🙂

  3. I’m just overflowing with Jacob love right now– this was awesome. I was laughing my ass off the entire time. Not that you wouldn’t be adorable on television, and I’d make all my friends watch you, but I love that your family is way too normal for that entire trainwreck to happen. Bravo, sweetheart– well done!

    • Aww, thanks, Amy! I’m sure the kids would have hated being on camera anyway. Unless they all got new wardrobes too! They can be bought! LOL!

  4. A testament to ‘the new normal’… in the past being a family consisting of two dads would have been enough for reality TV. I LOVE that it isn’t enough at the same time I wish it would have worked out because there are far too many show depicting wacky parents… it would have been nice to watch a normal couple deal with the challenges of raising a family.
    ((Very cute blog… reading your blog is always like a picture book))
    Hugs, Z.
    PS Don’t let not getting on TV not stop you from new clothing>>> almost counts…. any excuse to shop!

    • That’s too true, Z. We are just far too normal now, which is the way I like it. And, you’re right, I should go shopping. Saks here I come!

  5. I understand. Anyways pity for the new awesome wardrobe and the kickass walk in closet…. Can’t you and the DH reconsider? Let the youngsters have sex indiscriminately, get pregnant at 14, give them money in excess, you know….. Can’t be so difficult! :p seriously, this post was greaaaaaaat fun 😀

  6. Love the slideshow style story Jacob 😀 So happy that you ran fast and far from that. Stay here with us authentic crazies 😉 I actually hope their show never gets off the ground, sounds all kinds of awful!

    • Dianne, I’m staying right where I am. Don’t you worry. If it does get off the ground, I cringe at what it will look like.

  7. You and your family look pretty adjusted. I truly hope he doesn’t find enough families to do the show. We can leave bad parenting to Supernanny Jo Frost. Your humor and talent really shined through on this you made me smile and laugh. According to experts I owe you just made my life longer. Keep it up I need to be around a long time.

  8. Great blog entry, Jacob–delightfully entertaining. And I’ll add my voice to the others here, grateful that your parenting is too normal for this potential show. Frankly, I hope they don’t find any gay parents willing to participate. It feels like it could ultimately be a setup for ridicule, and that would be a shame.

    I’m trying to decide if you have a more interesting life than the rest of us, or if the author in you is simply able to make it sound more entertaining. Likely a combination of both. Thanks for sharing bits of your world with us, and keep on keeping on with the sensible, loving parenting.

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